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#1435510 - 29/09/2017 21:36 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wild Wassa Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 17/03/2012
Posts: 390
Loc: NW ACT
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

"Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring & sensitive.

"Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily....

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?"

"Yes, I remember!" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "either you marry my daughter or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replies softly.

"He wipes another tear from his cheek, and says... "I would have gotten out today.
_________________________
No one's a bushman in a fog.

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#1436091 - 05/10/2017 06:55 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wild Wassa Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 17/03/2012
Posts: 390
Loc: NW ACT
'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' ... this slogan is one of the more famous taglines in modern tourism marketing and one of the most quoted and recognised ad campaigns in history. This slogan is total BS.

American society not being a death cult, is the joke.



Edited by Wild Wassa (05/10/2017 07:00)
_________________________
No one's a bushman in a fog.

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#1436162 - 05/10/2017 19:18 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
Thanks
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1436187 - 06/10/2017 10:13 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1662
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
New Steven Seagal blow up doll.
Probably the coolest thing about this new Steven Seagal blow up doll is the ego inside inflates itself. grin
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch50 and ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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#1436225 - 06/10/2017 17:47 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Beltane Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 15/10/2001
Posts: 441
Loc: Warriewood 2102 NSW
It's the AFL Grand Final at the MCG, and a man makes his way to his seat in the Members Stand.

He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.

He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

"No" says the neighbor.

"The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man.

"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Richmond versus Adelaide Grand Final and not use it?"

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This is the first Grand Final Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
That's terrible...
But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head.
"No,” he says.
“They're all at the funeral."
_________________________
Beltane

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#1436539 - 10/10/2017 12:35 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 337
Read this out loud.

This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word only in each line from the start.


Edited by J Pabo (10/10/2017 12:39)

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#1440097 - 02/11/2017 09:01 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Mike Hauber Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 13/07/2007
Posts: 2750
Loc: Buderim

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#1441152 - 14/11/2017 16:37 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 337
Life hack:
Hold your wife’s hand in the shopping mall.
If you don’t, she might start shopping.
To her, it is romantic; for you, it is economical.


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#1441153 - 14/11/2017 16:38 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 337
Q. What do bacon and wives have in common?

A. They both look, smell and taste fantastic; they both also kill you slowly.

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#1441157 - 14/11/2017 16:59 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 337
A priest asks the convict at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”

"Yes," replies the convict. "Can you please hold my hand?"

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#1441159 - 14/11/2017 17:09 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 337
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.

“I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you cyanide just like that.”

Without a word, the man takes out his wife’s photograph and holds it in front of him.

The pharmacist apologizes, “My mistake, I didn’t realize you had a prescription.”

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#1441160 - 14/11/2017 17:19 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 337
Why do hurricanes, typhoons and cyclones get such lame names, like Sandy, Tracy and Yasi?

Name the damn thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee people will be evacuating like they need to.



Edited by J Pabo (14/11/2017 17:20)

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#1441204 - 15/11/2017 09:56 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1662
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch50 and ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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