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#1414359 - 22/03/2017 21:03 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wave Rider Offline
Meteorological Motor Mouth

Registered: 27/01/2014
Posts: 5850
Loc: Wollongong NSW
Omg hahaha. It's not Monday night though.. poke

I've never seen this thread, hope it gets up and going again.


Edited by Wave Rider (22/03/2017 21:04)
_________________________
2016-17 season storm total for here= 15

Oct- 21st
Nov- 9th, 28th
Jan- 24th
Feb- 11th, 12th, 17th, 18th(2)
Mar- 13th, 16th, 22nd
Apr- 9th, 26th
May- 24th

The longer you wait for things, the more you appreciate them.

Top
#1414475 - 23/03/2017 13:26 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: Wave Rider]
@_Yasified_shak Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 07/03/2009
Posts: 4041
Loc: El Arish
_________________________
Why is it in the era of "Time saving" devices, that people are more "Time poor" than ever?

Humans think they are the fabric of society,when they are merely part of the thread.


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#1414541 - 23/03/2017 16:26 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: @_Yasified_shak]
@_Yasified_shak Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 07/03/2009
Posts: 4041
Loc: El Arish
_________________________
Why is it in the era of "Time saving" devices, that people are more "Time poor" than ever?

Humans think they are the fabric of society,when they are merely part of the thread.


Top
#1420791 - 05/04/2017 16:58 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
grin

Two beautiful Sweedish lesbians moved into the apartment directly opposite
They gave me a very expensive Rolex for my birthday.
I think they misunderstood when I said I just wanna watch.
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420792 - 05/04/2017 16:59 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...

The Telstra Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
You have passed all the tests, except one.
It is a simple test of your English language skills.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said,
'You must make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420794 - 05/04/2017 17:01 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.


The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?”

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!”

"Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5."

"Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man, it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need...Go In Peace!

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, "They won't let me in without a tie!"
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420795 - 05/04/2017 17:03 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !!!!


Tea is more dangerous than beer.

Please avoid drinking tea.

I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub with some friends
While my wife was just drinking tea at home.

You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home.

I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me...
All night and even into the next morning.

Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it...
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420797 - 05/04/2017 17:06 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
We were dressed and ready to go out for a Dinner & Theatre evening.

We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local Taxi company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the budgie.

My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.

The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon."He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away.

"That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.

I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out!

She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.

Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked!

I hauled her fat arse downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

. .............She'd better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again!"

The silence in the Taxi was deafening
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420798 - 05/04/2017 17:19 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone. He yelled, “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory.

I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!”

The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone.

“Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few
questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!”

He then began his series of questions:
Tower: “How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me.”
Tower: “Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re
traveling at 180 mph?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me.”
Tower: “Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down?”

Aircraft: “The **** in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.”
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420800 - 05/04/2017 17:37 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,
"You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO,
who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall.

"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.”

"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.
I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."

Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file.

Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get f**ked."
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420817 - 05/04/2017 19:58 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
rainiac Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 10/10/2015
Posts: 564
Loc: NENSW-Wet Subtropics
lol samboz, they're classics.

And did you hear about the Italian chef?


He was cooking, then he had a heart attack and he pasta-way.

Top
#1420820 - 05/04/2017 20:17 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: rainiac]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1613
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...

grin grin
_________________________
Rain 2016 - 753.5mm.
J-173mm F-5mm M-66mm A-32.5mm M-24mm J-88mm J-143mm A-17.5mm S-89.5mm O-53.5mm Nov-61.5mm Dec - 26mm TOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM
Rain 2017. Jan-9.5mm Feb-23mm March-49mm April-40mm May-12mm June-12mm July-14.5mm to 0900 28th

Top
#1420827 - 05/04/2017 21:24 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wave Rider Offline
Meteorological Motor Mouth

Registered: 27/01/2014
Posts: 5850
Loc: Wollongong NSW
OMG rainiac hahaha

And samboz I got a great giggle out of the taxi one!!

I don't have any jokes. I mean, I would tell you guys a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction...


Edited by Wave Rider (05/04/2017 21:24)
_________________________
2016-17 season storm total for here= 15

Oct- 21st
Nov- 9th, 28th
Jan- 24th
Feb- 11th, 12th, 17th, 18th(2)
Mar- 13th, 16th, 22nd
Apr- 9th, 26th
May- 24th

The longer you wait for things, the more you appreciate them.

Top
#1420858 - 06/04/2017 09:32 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1582
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
Ha ha, Good work guys .Glad we are not PC correct lol.Last place left for a laugh.
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch50 and ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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#1420887 - 06/04/2017 14:15 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: ozone doug]
@_Yasified_shak Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 07/03/2009
Posts: 4041
Loc: El Arish


Mods, if not appropriate please remove smile
_________________________
Why is it in the era of "Time saving" devices, that people are more "Time poor" than ever?

Humans think they are the fabric of society,when they are merely part of the thread.


Top
#1420889 - 06/04/2017 14:29 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wild Wassa Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 17/03/2012
Posts: 369
Loc: NW ACT
I told my wife that I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti.

She didn't believe me until I rode pasta.

Warren.
_________________________
No one's a bushman in a fog.

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#1420901 - 06/04/2017 18:26 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1582
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
lol
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch50 and ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

Top
#1420914 - 06/04/2017 20:02 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
LightningGus Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 12/05/2012
Posts: 1078
Loc: Kingaroy QLD 434m ASL
Haha Samboz, classics!



Two huge 18 foot crocodiles meet up in the middle of a remote river in the Northern Territory. The first croc is strong and well fed with a muscular tail, shiny scales and a mouth bristling with white teeth. The second is a scrawny specimen, his ribs sticking out and the few of his teeth that weren't missing were yellow and decaying.

First crocodile: "G'day mate, hey you look familiar, weren't we in the same clutch of eggs together?"
Second crocodile: "Yeah I remember you mate, long time no see! Tell me how is it you'r so well fed but I'm not, what do you eat?"

First crocodile: "Mostly blackfellas mate, how about you?"
Second crocodile: "Yeah same as you, how do ya catchem'?

First crocodile: "Let me show you mate."

The first croc, spotting a group of people make their way down the riverbank, slips quietly under the waters surface and slowly makes his way towards the rivers edge. He waits until a young bloke steps into the water with a fishing rod and BAM! He snaps him up in his jaws and slides quickly back into the river.

Second crocodile: "Geez that looked easy. I must be going wrong somewhere."

First crocodile: "Yeah you must be mate, show us how you catch a feed."

The second croc, noticing another group of people make their way down the opposite bank, proceeds to splash around and make himself look as big and scary as possible before speeding towards the waters edge. He launches himself onto the bank, mouth wide open screaming GAAAAARRRRRRHHHHH! Of course the people see him coming and, absolutely terrified, run back up the riverbank. The second croc makes his way back to the middle of the river.

First crocodile: "Well thats your problem mate, all your getting is sh*t and sandshoes!"
_________________________
2016 Rainfall: 604mm
2017 Rainfall: 378mm ytd

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#1420915 - 06/04/2017 20:08 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: @_Yasified_shak]
Wave Rider Offline
Meteorological Motor Mouth

Registered: 27/01/2014
Posts: 5850
Loc: Wollongong NSW
Originally Posted By: @_Yasified_shak


Mods, if not appropriate please remove smile


Oh no, I lost...
_________________________
2016-17 season storm total for here= 15

Oct- 21st
Nov- 9th, 28th
Jan- 24th
Feb- 11th, 12th, 17th, 18th(2)
Mar- 13th, 16th, 22nd
Apr- 9th, 26th
May- 24th

The longer you wait for things, the more you appreciate them.

Top
#1420918 - 06/04/2017 20:30 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
EddyG Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 19/12/2008
Posts: 4064
Loc: NSW Port Stephens
Had you won WR, I'd be worried!! crazy poke laugh
_________________________
Rainfall
MTD 41.0mm
YTD 997.3mm
https://www.flickr.com/photos/eddygroot/
YNWA

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