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#1420954 - 07/04/2017 13:04 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wild Wassa Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 17/03/2012
Posts: 390
Loc: NW ACT
Most people think that big mountains are spectacular ... I think that they are hill areas.

Warren.
_________________________
No one's a bushman in a fog.

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#1422110 - 25/04/2017 09:21 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wild Wassa Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 17/03/2012
Posts: 390
Loc: NW ACT
Fact: Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

Cats can.
_________________________
No one's a bushman in a fog.

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#1422125 - 25/04/2017 12:26 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
wet sky Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 10/10/2015
Posts: 626
Loc: NENSW-Wet Subtropics
How do cats transport themselves?

By using a catapult.

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#1422152 - 25/04/2017 15:48 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1663
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
What walks up stairs backwards ?
Corgi with a hardon . blush
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch50 and ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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#1422165 - 25/04/2017 17:07 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
grin
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1422438 - 28/04/2017 13:07 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 342
Loc: Clydesdale NSW
A priest in a small town was called away for an emergency on a Sunday afternoon,while he was about to hear confessions. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, and having no one to assist him, he called his Rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.
The Rabbi told him, he wouldn't know what to say or do.
The Priest told him to come over and he'd stay with him for a little bit to show him what to do.
The Rabbi dutifully came over.The Rabbi and the Priest were in the confessional working out the details.
A few minutes later, a woman came in and said "Father forgive me for I have sinned".
The Priest asked, "What did you do".
The woman said,"I have committed adultery".
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman "Three times"
Priest:" Say two Hail Mary's, put five dollars in the donation box and go and sin no more".
A few minutes later a man came into the confessional. He said "Father forgive me for I have sinned"
Priest: "What did you do?".
Man. "I have committed adultery".
Priest: "How many times?".
Man. " Three times "
Priest:" Say two Hail Mary's, put five dollars in the donation box and go and sin no more"
The Rabbi told the Priest that he thought he understood the procedure, so the Priest left.
A few minutes later another woman entered and said," Father forgive me for I have sinned".
The Rabbi said: '" What did you do?"
Woman. I have committed adultery".
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman. "Once"
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special on this week, three for five dollars".

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#1422440 - 28/04/2017 13:08 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 342
Loc: Clydesdale NSW
The teacher asked the class to use the word " Fascinate " in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, " My family went to my granddads farm to see his pet sheep. It was fascinating.
The teacher said ," That's good, but I wanted you to use the word "Fascinate", not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, " My family went to Rock City and I was Fascinated" The teacher said, "Well that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word " Fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "Fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said " Miss, my aunt Narelle has a sweater that has ten buttons, but her tits are so big,
she can only fasten eight"
The teacher sat down and wept.

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#1422442 - 28/04/2017 13:18 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 342
Loc: Clydesdale NSW
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentleman, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentleman responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work.

So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you go? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous".

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#1422460 - 28/04/2017 19:32 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
Love 'em JPalbo grin

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a“Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1422461 - 28/04/2017 19:34 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
An oldie but a goodie -

A Frenchman, an Italian and an Australian are discussing their love-making techniques.

The Frenchman says: After I make love to my wife, I put flower petals on her body and she rises a foot off the bed.

The Italian man says: Well, after I make love to my wife, I put little chocolates on her body and she rises 2 feet off the bed.

The Australian says: That's nothing! After sex with my missus, I wipe my d**k on the curtains and she hits the roof!
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1422667 - 02/05/2017 17:35 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 342
Loc: Clydesdale NSW
A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and rather fierce mother-in-law.

One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to find her mother gone.

She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a lion.

"What are we going to do?", her horrified wife asked.

"Nothing," her husband replied, "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

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#1422718 - 03/05/2017 21:03 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
EddyG Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 19/12/2008
Posts: 4346
Loc: NSW Port Stephens
What do you call a dental X-Ray?

A tooth pic!!
_________________________
Rainfall
MTD 15.9mm
YTD 1110.3mm
https://www.flickr.com/photos/eddygroot/
YNWA

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#1423262 - 14/05/2017 10:12 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1423264 - 14/05/2017 10:13 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
A mother is trying to get her son to eat carrots. “Carrots are good for your eyes,” she says.

“How do you know?” the boy asks.

The mother replies, “Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1423265 - 14/05/2017 10:14 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all.

How do you know?

She’s learning to drive a bulldozer.
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1423266 - 14/05/2017 10:15 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
Mom No. 1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning?
Mom No. 2: I just put the cat on the bed.
Mom No. 1: How does that help?
Mom No. 2: The dog’s already there
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1423267 - 14/05/2017 10:20 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
My kids brought me breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day: an Egg McMuffin. I was just relieved that I wouldn’t have to clean the kitchen.
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1423500 - 17/05/2017 11:02 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
FROGS:

A lovely and very sexy blonde goes into her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions."

The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully She does exactly what is specified:

1. Put some nice satin sheets on your bed.
2. Take a nice warm bubble bath.
3 Splash on some nice perfume.
4. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
5. Light a pair of candles by the bed.
6. Put on a CD with some very soft classical music
playing quietly in the background.
7. Slip into bed and place the frog beside you. The frog
will do what he has been trained to do.

She quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing happens. The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store and speak to the man that sold the frog to you." So the blonde calls the pet shop.

The man says, "I'll be right over." Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and says very sternly: "Look, I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1423501 - 17/05/2017 11:05 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 1834
Loc: Between Maffra & the Mountains...
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling
unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had
endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist
got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he
embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched -
with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"


"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays,

But on Fridays, I go fishing."
_________________________
Rain 2016-753.5mm.J-173mmF-5mmM-66mmA-32.5mmM-24mmJ-88mmJ-143mmA-17.5mmS-89.5mmO-53.5mmNov-61.5mmDec-26mmTOTAL 2016 - 779.5MM Rain 2017.Jan-9.5mmFeb-23mmMarch-49mmApril-40mmMay-12mmJune-12mmJuly-15mm Aug-36.5mm Sept-26mm Oct-87mm Nov-19.5mm to 0800 19th

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#1423774 - 19/05/2017 17:23 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wild Wassa Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 17/03/2012
Posts: 390
Loc: NW ACT
R.I.P. Boiling Water ... you are mist.
_________________________
No one's a bushman in a fog.

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