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#1434092 - 15/09/2017 13:17 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1863
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Can't be done. It's a hardware problem.
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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#1434149 - 16/09/2017 08:44 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1863
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
A man got hit hard in the head with a can of 7Up. He’s alright though, it was a soft drink.
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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#1434325 - 18/09/2017 18:50 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1863
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
Q: How much coke did Charlie Sheen take last January?
A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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#1434796 - 22/09/2017 22:17 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.

Watching all this the girl says, ”You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, “Why yes actually. How did you figure that out?" "Easy," she says, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.

After it's over the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, "Sure - I'm a good dentist.

How did you figure that out?" To which she responds,
"Didn't feel a thing."

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#1435085 - 25/09/2017 15:52 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master. He says:

"Master, I keep trying but I cannot do the Kick of a Thousand Exploding Suns. Help me, Master!"

His master gives him an anecdote.
"Have you seen the waves of the ocean crashing into the white cliffs while the sun sets, with no apparent purpose to them?"

"Yes Master"

"And have you seen the moon reflect upon the still surface of the lake, a mere reflection, and contemplate the meaning of it?"

"Yes Master"

"And have you seen the flocks of birds flying across the sky at sunset, and wonder about their purpose in life?"

"Yes Master"

"That's your problem! You keep looking at useless [censored] instead of practicing!"

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#1435086 - 25/09/2017 15:53 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
I witnessed the break-up of an obese couple..

I guess they didn't work out.

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#1435087 - 25/09/2017 15:55 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me..

It's not my fault they don't have Windows.

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#1435090 - 25/09/2017 16:36 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
ozone doug Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 06/11/2006
Posts: 1863
Loc: Roma SW QLD Eye to the West...
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
_________________________
Cheers Doug. 491 Doug/ uhf ch40 When severe weather
BOM Stormspotter G0388 Roma S W Queensland Formerly Redcliffe.
https://www.wunderground.com/personal-weather-station/dashboard?ID=IQUEENSL852

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#1435101 - 25/09/2017 19:24 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one..

He's never gonna give you Up.

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#1435168 - 26/09/2017 15:19 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
I found a cure for my wife's insomnia..

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

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#1435170 - 26/09/2017 15:23 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
A woman gets up in the morning, wakes up her husband and says, "Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?"

The husband answers, "You'll know it on your birthday."

The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand.

The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds..

...a book titled: "The Meaning of Dreams."

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#1435171 - 26/09/2017 15:24 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
What do you call a threesome in an oasis?

A Mirage à trois.

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#1435172 - 26/09/2017 15:26 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
I found my old Nokia and connected it with my power bank.

The power bank is now fully charged again.

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#1435190 - 26/09/2017 17:49 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
Wild Wassa Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 17/03/2012
Posts: 413
Loc: NW ACT
Why was the mushroom invited to a party?

Because he is a fun guy.
_________________________
No one's a bushman in a fog.

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#1435233 - 27/09/2017 12:43 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 400
Loc: Clydesdale NSW
I went to the liquor store on Friday afternoon on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Rum before I cycled home.
As it turned out, it was a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle 7 times on the way home.

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#1435234 - 27/09/2017 12:57 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
J Pabo Offline
Weather Freak

Registered: 12/10/2012
Posts: 400
Loc: Clydesdale NSW
Hello? Giuseppe's pizza?
No sir, it's now Google Pizza.
So I've got the wrong number?
No sir. Google bought it.
OK then, can take my order please?
Yes sir, would you want the usual?
The usual? Do you know me?
According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered a pizza with cheese, sausage and crust. Is that correct?
That is correct.
May I recommend ricotta with sun dried tomato?
No, I hate vegetables.
But your cholesterol is 7.4
How do you know that?
Through the subscribers guide. We have your blood tests for the last 7 years.
What! Okay, but I don't want that type of pizza. I already have taken my medicine.
You haven't taken the medication regularly. 4 months ago you only purchased 30 tablets from Drugs Online.
I bought more from another pharmacy.
Sorry, it's not showing up on your credit card.
I paid for it in cash!
Our data says that you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statements.
I have another source of cash.
This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.
BLOODY HELL? Stuff Google, Facebook, Twitter and What's App. I'm off to an island that doesn't have the internet.
I understand sir why you may be upset. However you will need to renew your passport, it expired 5 weeks ago.

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#1435245 - 27/09/2017 13:57 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.

Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient, please.

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#1435246 - 27/09/2017 13:58 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
How can you tell if an orange is male or female?

If it squirts in your eye without warning, it's a male. If it's bitter with no logical reason, it's a female.


Edited by KomonStan (27/09/2017 13:59)

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#1435247 - 27/09/2017 14:01 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
KomonStan Offline
Cloud Gazer

Registered: 13/09/2017
Posts: 16
Loc: Tampa, Florida
My Uncle always said, "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life!"

He did heroin.

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#1435266 - 27/09/2017 16:13 Re: Monday night giggle - joke thread... [Re: TrenthamStormchasers]
samboz Offline
Weatherzone Addict

Registered: 16/11/2014
Posts: 2077
Loc: Sale, Central Gippsland, S/E V...
Very good folks, got a good laugh today !!!

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